Mum's the boss.....

The other day I sat at the table whilst my 3 year old ate his dinner. It had been a rather normal day - although with a slightly more grumpy and tired boy who has recently decided that day time naps are fast becoming a thing of the past. (And maybe too I should add that I myself was possibly a little tired and grumpy too). Anyway, as I chanted my usual "don't play with your food, and sit at the table until you are finished" I found myself pondering how many times that day I had had to tell him to do or not do something.

My role as a parent is clearly to shape and direct my child into what I want him to be - taking into account his personality which will also dictate what the end product will be. Feeling overwhelmed at the number of times that on this particular day I had said "don't", I wrote down my rules to check my reasonablness. And also so I could ponder why they were so important to me that I kept saying them over and over.

I know parenting is a challenge for most and we are constantly told to pick the battles you want to have - and certainly many would disagree with some of my seemingly petty peaves, but here they are.

1. Don't jump on the couch. But Why? I know this is one most parents would just leave but I also apply the rule of " would it matter in a year's time if they did that". Well, yes - in a years time when I have to look at a tatty couch with food smudges etc then this would bother me. A bouncy is for bouncing - my furniture should be respected. Children should respect things that are important to others. See below.

2. Don't stand/sit on the coffee table or play trucks on the TV cabinet. But Why? Because children should learn to respect things - I don't want to be looking at scratchesin my furniture for years to come - even if they are memories of my children being young.

3. Eat your food at the table - But Why? Now this one I am a little flexible on. If it is messy food or we are all eating together we must eat at the table. Some snacks can be eaten in front of the TV but mostly TV off for dinner. Also on the food front include sitting at the table until finished and good food before bad.

4. No shoes in the house. But why? Well he doesn't really ask why for this one - he just does it. Keeps the mess out. I must say sometimes I break this rule BUT I have inside and outside shoes as my feet don't cope as well as others with no shoes all the time.

5. Don't hurt the dog, the bugs, the snails etc... But Why? Well pretty obvious really - it will hurt them and if they get really sick they will die and go to "evens" (aka Heaven).
6. Say please/thanks/ excuse me, and no yelling and talk nicely. But Why? Because good manners will get you places in life, earn you respect and shows respect for others.

7. No lego in your mouth or ears or other holes. But Why? Clearly safety plays a large part in this one. It also applies to gum nuts (retrieved from his nose), baked beans and toy car tyres.

8. Shut the back door. And don't slam the doors. But Why? Well it keeps out the mozzies and flies, the dog too, not to mention it is loud, unnecessary and the glass can break.

9. Don't hurt your brother. But Why? Because one day he will be bigger than you and hurt you back.
10. Clean up one activity before the next. But Why? Because mum can't stand having everything messy and you don't need ALL your toys out at once.

11. No breaking things, no throwing toys in the house or rocks outside the house. But Why? When I ask my son why he breaks things he says "so I can fix it" or "you can by a new one at the shop". Well we don't break things cause dad works hard to earn the money to buy them for you and it is wasteful and annoying and no we can't always fix things or buy new ones. As for throwing - well that is to stop things breaking.

And that's it - for now..... He's only 3 and I am sure this list will expand substantially over the years. But if this sets him up to be a healthy, clean and tidy child with good manners, and respect for snails and his mother - then I will have fulfilled my job description.

What goes up - must come down

I still remember when I announced at work I was pregnant a young girl saying she could not wait to be pregnant so she could eat everything. I reminded her that it still needs to come off again and having experienced 17kg of weight gain with my first son I can say taking it off again was not really easy or fun - especially for someone who likes food and hates to diet. Lucky I like to move, although having an ankle reconstruction has also meant that even this is not as easy as it used to be.

Baby number two arrived 6 weeks back and here I am again. Of course in the first week an initial chunk of weight comes away and having a 4kg baby helped this number to increase. However, the real work to be done soon starts to reveal itself.

First time around, I decided that I was not going to buy any clothes until the old ones fit - why buy new bigger clothes to stuff your chub into when a whole old wardrobe is boxed up waiting to be worn? So I invested $500 in 10 weeks of personal training and hard work - starting at 7 weeks post birth. My one hour training session a week killed me but I quickly progressed and the kilos dropped, the clothes started to fit, I started to feel better and fitter and happier. I had to write down what I was eating - and certainly sometimes stretched the truth by noting, for example, a cheeseburger as a cheese sandwich, but felt bad when the trainer would wonder why I wasn't losing more weight if that was what I was eating ("whoops").

And here I am again on this train ride and keen to be back to my normal self as close to my 36th birthday as possible. The longer I leave it the less it will move and this is not a good thing. Of course having two boys to co-ordinate is still something I am working on, and still having a stiff foot also limits me, as well as a sore neck and back, but with fitness comes strength and well being so I have a goal - pre-pregnancy weight by 20 February.

Clearly there is work to be done. around 11kg's to go to be exact. But one must start somewhere if a goal is to be achieved. I am tempted by the Rapid Detox which advertises that I can get rid of my muffin top in one weekend - but I am not convinced it won't come back again once I have a muffin. Thus, I plan to get a trainer early in the new year when the festive season is over but until then - my main motivation will be how uncomfortably tight my wetsuit is and not wanting to be on the beach in my tracksuit pants.

Bring on the bikini.

And baby makes 4

On 9 October 2009 Lachlan Arfon Jones was born. Our second (and last) child and a brother for Ashley. Ashley has been a good big brother so far. Prior to Lachlan's arrival he was aware of the "baby" on the way. He knew the baby lived in my tummy -and rather innocently believed that he got there because I ate him!! He also liked to try and squeeze my pre-natal vitamins through my belly button to "feed" the baby in the mornings. And surprisingly when Lachlan came out (through my belly button apparently) he was very pleased. He thinks he is very cute and keeps telling me how much Lachlan loves him. Very sweet. Hopefully it continues well into their teen years and beyond.

Whilst I was pregnant I tried to imagine what life would be like with "2" children. My observations 6 weeks in so far are as follows:

• I was overwhelmed at how amazing it was to have my husband at Lachlan's birth. It was a very special thing to share.
• Despite arriving 7 weeks later than Ashley did, and hearing all the horror stories about first and second babies being totally different, I can honestly say they are very similar - just with their own personalities.
• I still believe that having a baby for me, although painful at the time, is not too much worrse than having a real bad headache that can go on for hours. I am sure many mothers would disagree and I know I am very lucky to have had such short and quick labours.
• I learnt from my first child and shared experiences that breast is only best when it works for both mother and child - and that choosing to bottle feed does not make me a bad mum. My boys are both healthy, sleep well, cry little, and rarely get ill. They have clear skin and bright eyes and smile at me alot. And I can share parenting with my dear husband which makes me more happy, calm and in control - a personality trait that is not easy to relinquish just because you have a child. And - in 20 years time, or even 10, I am sure no-one will be able to tell how my baby was fed.
• Although I have two boys, I honestly do not feel the need to "try again" for a girl. Our family plan was to have two children and this is what we have done. Clearly we are just good at making boys and I don't plan to have a third.
• A baby is actually easier than a three year old. They are more transportable, sleep alot, complain less as long as they have a full tummy and clean nappy and warmth and are much easier to take shopping.
• Life is busier and requires a little more organisation than with one child. And clearly when I return to work this will be our next challenge to deal with.

Being a mummy is pretty cool and the rewards are tremendous. From little things - big things grow and I will watch my little people with delight.

Happy Holidays

When I was young, every year we used to pile in the car and head 8 + hours up the Hume Highway to Orange NSW for our annual family holiday. Over the years the trip changed. The trip got shorter as we by-passed more towns and my brothers and I got older and needed to be separated in the car to maintain some sense of peace for my parents.

But - some things never changed. We always had the ice-cream container full of lollies, we took turns in choosing the music - generally Richard Claderman classical for mum and dad, Rolf Harris for the boys, Abba, the Village People and Olivia Newton John for me. We would stop for morning and afternoon tea - usually at a park, and have tea in a thermos and egg sandwiches.

I know these were stressful times for my parents. Packing the car was not a time you approached dad, and often there was silence as the years passed by and mum and dad navigated their way into and out of towns that no longer seemed to exist - just so they could get us out the car to have a run in the park (and probably a sanity break). As we got older the "what time are we going to arrive?" questions became more persistent. I still remember the trip when we ran out of petrol and dad had to walk to a farm to get some, and the trip where we hit a bird and his feathers cooked in the front of the car.

Although we had other holidays, even one in a plane, the trips to Orange probably had the biggest impact. The journey aside, I also have very fond memories of these times. The fishing with Uncle Bob and Aunty Bev, the trips to the Salvation Army Thrift stores with Nan (or a trip to the jungle), football in the big park, the Vet next to nan and pops, the snow on Mt Kanoblas and the chooks, the visits to the pool and sitting in the stands eating ice-cream and raspberry lolly pops, nan's chicken soup, pop's smelly pipe, the lovely smell of nan's hand cream that she applied every evening, and her rocking chair, the room with the three beds I shared with my brothers and the pink flowers in the garden out front.

Last year my husband and I bought a beach house. This was after many years of pondering what it would be like to have such a luxury and whether we would get bored of it or feel that we had our money's worth, or whether it was a better option to save our money and travel abroad each year. Well, it was one of the best purchases we have made. Probably should have done it years ago.

After some initial hard work to bring our little place up to scratch, a splash of beachy blue and white paint, replacing the mismatched furniture and crockery, and some cheery holiday snaps printed on our walls reminding us of happy times that we have also enjoyed abroad, we now have a second place to call home.

We now have two children, and the thought of getting on a plane to travel anywhere makes me break out in a stressful sweat. Even the thought of an eight hour drive like my parent did would make me cringe a little, but hoping in the car on a Friday night for a two hour drive with the children and dog in tow, and taking little more than our clothes to our beach house is rather pleasant.

I am now enjoying the memories we are creating for our boys. Ashley loves his beach house and I am sure Lachlan will follow suit. He like to stop and McDonalds on the way (and can quite competently recite the McDonalds menu), he talks alot about the tractors, trucks and farms, we listen the the wiggles, playschool and 80's music CD's, we see cows and the occasional wombat on the road, the Koala that lives around the corner, the echidna's that walk in the streets, the rabbits, the beach, the baby chino shop, the park, the rainbow ice-creams for breakfast and of course the special activities with dad - like fishing, squishing jelly fish, climbing the sand dunes and super grovers on the beach.

Sandy Point really has become our home away from home. We love sharing it with the company of friends, but most importantly, I hope that our home will bring our boys as many happy memories as my youthful trips did.